Welcome the Dragon, Away with ZUN
by Uncle.Dragon
Summary: What really happened when the new Touhou game was revealed.


Chuck Norris, Deadpool and the Dragon of Gensokyo stood at the front door of a large mansion. Deadpool rings the doorbell.

A few seconds pass.

Then the door opens to reveal ZUN.

"Chuck Norris? Godzilla?" ZUN questions confused, then looks at Deadpool, "Spiderman?"

"Wrong, I'm the ghost of Christmas, here to KICK YOUR ASS!" Deadpool replies as he pulls ZUN outside and punches ZUN on the back of the head as he kissed Chuck's boots. Chuck pulls him up roughly and pushed him back into the house, then the three enter.

Deadpool kicks ZUN in the face, then pulls him up by his hair. "13 FUCKING GAMES!" Deadpool yells, "AND YOU NEVER INCLUDED THAT DRAGON (the one that hired us by the way)! ALL OF THOSE PREVIOUS ONES YOU MADE HAVE NOTHING BUT BITCHES (gotta thank you for that), YOU SEXIST ASSHOLE!", and he slams ZUN's head to the floor. Chuck then picks him up and flings him against the wall. Deadpool holds him there as Chuck begins to punch his stomach. Deadpool takes over, then punches ZUN in the crotch. Chuck then kicks ZUN through the wall into the next room.

Deadpool jumps on top of ZUN and punches him in the face. "This is for Reimu, this is for Marisa, this is for Sana-chuu, this is for all the other bitches I can't remember the names of, and this is for all the brainwashed fangirls of the world." Deadpool yells, and he punches ZUN harder and harder. He picks ZUN back up and flings him at Chuck, who then punches him hard in the stomach first, then proceeds to do his roundhouse kick in the back of his face. Chuck proceeds to smash ZUN's head through a coffee table.

Deadpool and Chuck then kick ZUN while he's on the floor. Deadpool then pulls ZUN back up and flings him through a window. They jumps through the window and grabbed ZUN by his legs as they drags him towards his pool. Chuck and Deadpool fling ZUN into the water. Chuck then spits in the water, causing the entire surface of the water to set on fire due to his aura.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" ZUN screams as he burns with agony upon reaching the surface. Chuck then blows the fire out.

"Gotta learn how to do that." Deadpool says. ZUN swims to the edge of his pool, only to look up to see Chuck and Deadpool waiting.

"What did I ever do to you?" ZUN questions. The Dragon walks in, grabs him by the neck and raised him out of the water.

"You only mentioned me, only fucking once, in the entire fucking franchise, you never even bothered to draw me!" The Dragon replied, then punches ZUN in the face again "Remember your pal Rinnosuke? We did him first before coming here, cos' at least he got a fucking picture.". He then throws him to the ground as he finished his words, where Chuck and Deadpool continue to kick and stomp on him. Soon the two come to a stop. ZUN slowly tries to crawl away, only to have his hand sliced off by a katana (Youmu's).

"AAAAAHHHH!" ZUN screams. He then looks up to see Deadpool holding the katana. Deadpool then bends down and picks up the hand.

"Hello, Ebay!" Deadpool says, "Fangirls and haters both would pay top dollar for this. For haters... maybe something to hang over their mantles. For fangirls... uhhh, I don't even wanna think about what they'd do with it." He then pulls a grenade out from a pocket of his belt. "Well, it's about time we finished this up." he informs, "Next, we're paying a little visit to senor Ishihara. But first, I wanna loot the place. Don't want all this nice stuff to go to waste. Chuck, would you like to have the honor?"

"Yes." Chuck answered, as Deadpool throws him the grenade. Deadpool then grabs ZUN's pants and underwear and pulls them down.

"What are you doing?" The Dragon questions.

"Think of something pretty." Deadpool says. Chuck pulls the pin out of the grenade and shoves it in ZUN's anus.

"AAAAAHHHH!" ZUN screamed, his voice silenced by the deafening explosion.

The trio looks over at the smoldering remains of ZUN, as the Dragon smirks and looked over at Deadpool.

"Here ya go Wade-san, your pay." The Dragon throws Deadpool a large sack of golden coins, before turning over to Chuck, "And here's yours," Chuck received a small piece of paper, written with the address of a warehouse, where a truck with a lifelong supply of burgers from the Malaysian brand RAMLY, awaits.

As we zoom away from ZUN's mansion, we hear the dark laugh of the Dragon. "KEEEEERO, KERO KERO KERO KERO KERO KERO, KEEEEEEEEEEEEERO KERO KERO KERO...!"

* * *

><p>On Comiket a few months later, the 14th, final installment of the Touhou franchise, was named "Dragon Ball GT", and stars the master pimps – the Dragon, the Dragon's daughter; Reimu (obviously), and Gian the gorilla-looking man, Marisa and Sanae.<p>

There, Deadpool reveals that he had bought over the entire Touhou franchise "Touhou would be moving in a whole new direction from now on," he added.


End file.
